The first time I asked my mum if it was possible that I visited a friend’s house, she asked me to write the name and address of the person I was going to see and why the visit to their house would be of benefit to me. In a bit to make sure that this request was granted, I hurriedly supplied all the answered but my morale reached rock bottom when my mum gave me a firm NO with a smile on her face. I was livid, like how would she let me go through that mental stress and still give me a No for an answer?
From that day, my humble twelve years old self counted down to the day I’d become an adult and not be obligated to take permissions before going to see a friend. As I got into the University, I was served with my first memo of adulthood. I schooled far away from home so I could do some things without asking my parents but what the memo didn’t say is that this thing called “adulting” is not a destination but a journey.
By the time I was leaving the University, I had mapped out an Independency strategy that included working for one year to raise enough money to rent a house for myself, buying a car at 26 and living the best life ever. Little did I know that there are so many twists and turns in this journey that I had just embarked on. By the time I was done with my compulsory one year National Youth Service Corps, I realised that my twenties are a defining phase of my life and I had to set some tracks right.
This is not to say that if you don’t get things right in your twenties that you are doomed but it’s just to reinforce the fact that most of our life’s decisions like career and marriage are taken in this phase. personally, every day for me is another day to understand the reason why I was placed on this earth and there’re times I really don’t want to adult but my exposure to different knowledge has made me accept the fact that it’s okay to not want to adult or to find it hard figuring life out.
So all these my plenty preamble is just to introduce you to 5 things about adulting that no one really talks about that I feel like are important;
When I was much younger, I felt like my parents were the richest because every time I made a request, they came through almost immediately. This illusion was with me even during my University days because my dad ensured that I was super comfortable. I had the latest blackberry phone, a laptop and consistent monthly groceries supplies all the way from Lagos to Benin, so why won’t I think that my family was rich? Well, the scale fell off my eyes when after 8-month post-NYSC, I eventually got a job that was paying me 35,000 Naira.
Truth is, I was excited but this excitement was short-lived because, by the second week of salary, I was broke to zero due to the fact that I had done big sister for my siblings and bought things I didn’t even need. I spoke to my dad about my situation and he told me a story of how he ensured that we get all the good things that we enjoy. I was so surprised when he told me what his first salary was and how he was able to build his income into something sustainable. This for me was a wake-up call.
Dear 20-something, know that no amount of money will ever be enough because the more money you have, the more you will need. The solution is to just learn how to save from the little you are earning now, track your expenses and most importantly, learn to differentiate your wants from your needs. We must also learn about investments and how money works so that we don’t always live paycheque to paycheque forever.
- Money Manager an app available on iOS and Playstore is very helpful with tracking expenses and Income
- Piggyvest is my recommended Platform for you if you are willing to learn how to save and also learn the ropes of investment.
I feel like as I was growing up, the essence of friendship was not really emphasized to me so I grew up to discover that no man is an island and I actually need a squad to do life together with. People I can gist with, cry with, hang out with, eat with and most importantly share my victories and downtime with. Families are important but there is also a need for your own community and you have to be deliberate about handpicking people you want to do life with.
As much as I am just trying to build a community of friends, I have, however, told myself that the best way to enjoy friendship is to put them in boxes according to what we benefit from each other. So I have career friends, spiritual friends, Life of the party friends and so on.
- Be deliberate and genuinely interested in people. If you want a particular type of friend then be ready to be that kind of person so the person can notice you.
- Go to places you’d find the kind of friends you want. So if you want spiritual friends, attend believers gatherings, attend meetings in church etc
As a child and a growing teenager, I used to honestly wonder what the fuss about the church is. Like why is my mother always attending all services? why is she saying we should pray about everything? why is there a need to plead the blood of Jesus always? These questions were with me for the longest of time because I couldn’t directly ask my mother before she thought I was a rebellious child used by the devil and bundle me up for deliverance. As I took a walk through this adulting thing, I realised that the spiritual realm is as real as the physical and most times things happen in the spiritual realm first.
Armed with this information, I sort to discover God on my own and the discovery has been A-maz- ing. I’m not where I aspire to be as regards my relationship with my maker but this walk and chitchat with my creator has been humbling. Guys, the spirit realm is real and you have the owner of your life to give you a compass as to how to navigate this life.
The truth is, He’s your manufacturer so He already knows all the hurdles you’d face, why not enter a relationship with Him so that He can help you go through the hurdles with less stress. God exists and his arms are always open wide to receive you. Prayer is the best communication tool to talk with him and there are no rules to prayer. Just talk to Him form your heart, He’s listening.
LOVE & DATING
Have you ever thought about how your parents found themselves and got married? Well if you haven’t, I have. This is because in this generation, finding love is like looking for petroleum. Every day, we wake up to a new narrative of how either men are scum or women are gold diggers and it leaves people like us wanting to stay far away from relationship drama until we’ve developed the right balls.
Adulting has, however, taught me that there is no manual for this thing called “love” and the fact that you got it wrong the first time doesn’t mean that is the end of the match. In love, there are numerous chances, so don’t get pressured. Don’t starting thinking that you are doomed for loneliness because all your friends are married and you have reached a certain threshold that the society considers a benchmark for finding love and settling down. You’d find Love when the time is right.
What most of us haven’t realised is that we must spell out in plain terms what we don’t want in a partner. So its easier to say what physical attributes and qualities you want in a partner but might get stuck defining what a deal breaker is for you. Also, don’t forget that the single-phase is not a dead-end, don’t give up on yourself while you wait for LOML, have fun and improve yourself so that when the person shows up, they know they have secured a bag full of treasures in form of an individual.
CAREER & PURPOSE
We all had wonderful dreams of how our future will be when we were teenagers. For me, I wanted to work at a multinational as a public relations personnel or earn a degree from the New York Film Institute before 26, but guess who still looking for a public relations agency that she can gain experience from and don’t exactly care so much about filming techniques? Me! This just goes to say that it’s okay if you are still trying to figure out your career path or your purpose in life. I wish someone told me beforehand that learning is a continuous process and its beyond the four walls of a school. The truth is as you grow, you’d have to pick up new skills and life lessons at the speed of light that would help you understand the purpose of your existence.
As I try to draw the finishing line of this post, remember not to overpressure yourself or compare your growth to that of others because the truth is; there is no one size fit all when it comes to learning the ropes of adulting. Enjoy the process and take full responsibilities for your actions and inactions. The truth is we can’t be babies forever so we must prepare ourselves for the transformation and expectations that come with adulthood.
What other things about adulting did I miss that you wish you were told beforehand?
Till I come your way in my next post, Let’s continue our conversation on the various social media platforms;